No Whining
My mother in law was not particularly religious, but through a large measure of common grace, she understood that complaining is problematic. As a response to two women fighting in the church, Paul exhorted the church at Philippi to “do everything without grumbling or murmuring…” Another translation says, “Complaining or arguing” (Philippians 2:14). Complaining isn’t so much an isolated incident, but being the kind of person that is always ready to express one’s discontent – about everything. It’s an attitude issue. It’s a heart issue. It’s a sin issue. It’s the same idea that describes Israel when, directly after being rescued from slavery to Egypt, began complaining about their less than ideal circumstances (lack of water, lack of food), their leadership, their food and ultimately, their God.
But the second word takes it even deeper. If the first is an attitude and willingness to express discontent, the second connotes the idea of quarrelling and arguing. It’s making your heart’s posture the standard and willing to take others to task until they agree with you. Paul was telling the two women in particular, and the church as a whole, that this is not in step with the Gospel.
So when you feel the desire to whine, complain and argue, what should you do?
- Consider the trajectory of a life characterized by complaining and arguing. Proverbs is replete with exhortations in this.
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- “A fool gives full vent to his spirit, but a wise man quietly holds it back” (Proverbs 29:11).
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- “A fool’s lips walk into a fight, and his mouth invites a beating” (Proverbs 18:6).
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- “It is an honor for a man to keep aloof from strife, but every fool will be quarreling” (Proverbs 20:3).
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- At the end of the day, do you want your legacy to be one of a fool who always has to get their way or of a wise person who knows when to open your mouth and when to shut it?
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- Keep the mission of God at the forefront. The grounding for Paul’s command to the church at Philippi is in the following verse. The reason to not give in to complaining and arguing is so that they, and we, “may be blameless and innocent, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world” (Philippians 2:15). When we do this, we have a check in our spirit that helps us discern if we’re really walking in step with the Spirit, or if I just want to win an argument or get my way. If the Gospel does ANYTHING in the heart of a believer, it destroys a sense of being entitled to my preferences.
- Seek accountability to live differently. So often, these “soft” sins are so deeply ingrained, that we don’t even know we are doing them. We need good mentors and friends to help call us out when we are doing it so we can become more aware, and actually change. Mimi was holding people accountable, wanting her family and friends to be more than mere complainers.
All that anger and all that energy that goes into whining isn’t necessarily bad in and of itself. It’s meant to be directed toward problem solving or creative projects. The lazy thing to do with that anger and energy is direct it toward others by complaining and arguing and whining.
But perhaps the more God-glorifying thing to do is to stop, consider what kind of person you want to be in light of God, His Gospel and His mission, then seek others to help you live into the immense calling He gives those who call upon the name of Jesus. In a world where complaining and arguing is so normal, Paul says that to live this way shines like stars in a crooked and depraved generation. Or as Mimi would say: No whining.
